Tell her she can't have a vagina
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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