Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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