Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Randomize
