And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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