Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
