The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
