Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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