She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
