somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
