The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
