No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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