My hand turned me down
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
