fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
