Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
