it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize