my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Randomize
