the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
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