Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I am available for nakedness
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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