Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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