I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
