I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
