STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
