i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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