I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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