her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
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