I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
