It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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