I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
