I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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