mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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