at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
