While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
