Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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