its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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