YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
