You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
