so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
