from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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