I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
