paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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