Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
