and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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