You smell like stripper and shame
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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