I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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