They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
