Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I love having hate sex.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize