P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Randomize
