Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
