Im at strip club and am horny
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I just want nice things and good sex
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
