i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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