I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize