I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
