Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Randomize
