I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize