i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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