We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
