Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
