Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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