It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
