when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
