she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
