I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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