Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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