Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
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