At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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