she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
There r osticjed everywhere
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
