He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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