From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
