I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Where did you get a picture of my penis
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
