and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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