I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
