well I can't set my house on fire every night
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
